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I CarryYour Heart With Me, my love…

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate,my Heart)
i want no world (for Love you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

-ee cummings

ONEART - Elizabeth Bishop

    One Art
The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

– Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.

Elizabeth Bishop

FACE CHECK (Talc Contamination Check) — My NIDEC SUBIC Experience

I am writing this job hunting story of mine here in Olongapo City, fresh from an experience that has opened my eyes why there are groups marching in the streets, fighting for labor rights. Some people call them militants, and now here I am, trying to echo some or even just a little of what those groups [of manggagawa] try to communicate to the Nation as a whole…. 

Untitled_2 Just days or weeks after I signed the memorandum and clearance of retrenchment in my previous employer, I received an email and text messages from NIDEC SUBIC PHILIPPINES, inviting me for an exam and interview last November 2006 for the Production Supervisor position I applied for. I was quite surprised by some of the instructions particularly to wear white shirt, to bring extra clean slippers and not to wear cosmetics or use perfume because of the company’s contamination regulation. Since I am not fond of wearing white shirts/blouses, I need to buy one. Aside from the transportation cost from Quezon City to Olongapo, I was instructed by the HR through text message to ride a taxi (P100) from the Subic Bay Metropolitan Authority (SBMA) gate to the Technopark where NIDEC is located. It was quite a financial burden for me, but remembering my ex-officemate, he said he was given gasoline reimbursement when he went to NIDEC for the interview (the same Supervisor position), I expected that I would receive reimbursements, too, but I didn’t. I was almost a day in there, and even had to spend for my lunch. I felt bad when I was not allowed to ride in their out-going bus (for employees) to the SBMA gate even if there would be extra seats. Maybe I just could not help but compare how my previous employer treated me/us well even when I was still an applicant….

In spite of those uneasy feelings towards the company, I still yielded to their invitation for the final interview around January. The same transpo and food expenses I had to shoulder. On that same day, I was offered the Part Quality Assurance Supervisor position with a salary much lower than my expectation, considering that NIDEC’s offer was almost the same as my recent salary (but not supervisory). I appealed for a little raise in the offer and relocation assistance, and then I had to wait for their decision since it was for the approval of the Japanese Manager. Weeks past, I didn’t receive an update from the HR, so I personally called up and found out that my request was not granted. 

Thinking about the opportunities (training, career growth, etc.) that NIDEC might provide me, I thought of accepting the job and not to wait anymore for my other applications in other companies…. I was then told to provide the required documents (NBI, police clearance, etc.), which also would cost a considerable amount and time. I traveled again to submit those docs and was also told to have the pre-employment medical exam and that I had to spend P680 for it. Then, I needed to process my SBMA gate pass that would cost P35, days after. Then I was told that I need to sign an orientation contract. The contract emphasized that I would be paid P100 per day for the 2-day orientation, that I can avail of the free ride from SBMA gate to their office or vise versa, and that I should pass the orientation exam and the FACE CHECK. I was seriously advised by the HR attending to me, that my application would automatically be disqualified if I failed in the FACE CHECK that TALC reading should not go beyond 8 particles. I was advised not to apply powder and to be sure, it would be better to abstain from using powder 2-3 days before the orientation. So, I followed her advised… Gosh!!!! I felt I was deprived of my right to improve my looks, but looking at the brighter side, it was a cost saving thing…. hahahah! My later reaction was, how about during week-ends that I had to attend a party or social gatherings? Thoughts came out my mind like why can’t the company find other ways (ex., provide special wet facial wipes, liquid wash before entering the factory) than having all the employees be deprived of their right to enjoy their social life, hahaha. Wow…. I felt that part of my right would just be freely surrendered just for this job and for this company called NIDEC. But still, I wanted to just look at the brighter side and the promises that come with the job (professional growth, etc.). Well, I STILL TOOK THE OFFER!!!!

March 12 & 13 (Monday & Tuesday) was the orientation schedule. I needed to relocate myself before the orientation since the expected official first working day would be on the 14th, just after the orientation. I settled in a bed space recommended to me by one of the HR personnel, because the orientation was too soon and I was an alien in Olongapo. I needed to pack my things in Quezon City, and even needed to ship boxes of things to our province (Cagayan de Oro) and spent more than a thousand for that. I transferred to Olongapo last Sunday (March 11) and spent some amount for the gasoline and driver’s fee. The next important thing was to spend for the month and advance 1 month payment for the bed space that I rented in Olongapo. I even transferred to a more expensive space to be with my expected future company-mate, and the most important consideration was to avoid contamination. I should be with those who don’t use powder too, to avoid cross contamination…. Imagine! I need to avoid some people and isolate myself for the sake of the job, of the company…. that I also need to avoid the ‘beso-beso’ thing. And even mothers need to be careful putting powder to their babies or even just hugging or kissing them, because their job will be at stake…. NIDEC imposes strict penalties like suspension and even termination if an employee will fail on their FACE CHECK…

The first day of orientation…. the first thing asked was if we applied powder before coming to the factory… of course I did not — for days!!!! (I even washed my face with SAFEGUARD (as recommended by the company) before going to bed, even if I don’t wash my face at night (just astringent) as a way of taking care of my eyes. Then, we were told to go to the toilet and wash our face three times, then do the same after lunch, because the FACE CHECK would be in the afternoon. I was very confident that I could not fail in the face check. The more advanced apparatus that the QA had been using was out of order, they told us. So, the old method was used, and we were told that the results would be released early in the following morning. I woke up very early on the second day, to also scan on my orientation notes since I also needed to pass the exam at the end of the 2nd day of the orientation. In the morning, we were provided with our complete set of uniforms, we toured at our locker areas and other places, and the orientation continued. After lunch, I was suddenly called by the HR… I was told I FAILED the FACE CHECK… the test read 14 counts of TALC particles were found on my (rough, hahaha) face… hmmm…. I wondered how it happened. I was asked if I applied powder on my face before going to the factory. I replied that I did what I was told to do, then, I was told to wait for the decision. I also knew that there were two of us who failed. The other one was I think an operator and agency-hired. I learned later on that she was immediately told to change clothes and to return the uniforms. But, I was made to wait and even told to attend the on-going orientation lecture while waiting for the decision. I was thinking that there was just a mistake on the test, and that my room mates (one is from HR) can testify I did not use any powder for days. It was quite awhile, I even finished one orientation topic after the HR called me. The decision was a big NO!!! I WOULD NOT BE HIRED!

I have known that the Japanese folks in the industry are always firm with their decisions. I have previous experience similar to this… but I felt the unfairness of the system… of the process… I am left powerless… I lost so much (time, money, effort, sacrifices, even pride)… I should have been told to abstain from face powder weeks before, because the 2 or 3 days were not enough. I was told I need to go back to my locker and change clothes… I did… I felt I was like an innocent person judged as a thief… I felt the pain of a helpless, ordinary jobless citizen, deprived of the right to work and to achieve a decent living just because I just did what the company advised me to do to comply with their requirements. I felt I was tricked…. I signed a contract that was impossible to comply or to meet. I want to get paid of the damages that this pre-employment hassles had cost me (financially, emotionally, etc.), but how? In this nation filled with biases and injustices, how can a person like me, or like my orientation-mate (operator) be heard, especially in this time of Elections?

I thought of the other person hired by the agency —- I know it was more painful for her. She must have borrowed money for all the expenses that she had to incur before finding out she just failed the FACE CHECK… In a way I was thankful to know the real color of the company, that yes, maybe I have just been kept away from more pains inside their walls. I learned that majority of the 3,500 operators and leaders there are agency-hired —– lower pay, less benefits, no job security; probationary but monthly rated employees will not be paid on forced leaves (declared by company because there is no production)… By the way, I was even told to come back the following day for my P200 orientation allowance; I said, I would be spending more than P200 just to get that or spend sweat and time to walk to their office for that. If the company is professional enough, they would have given the amount each day, for those operators who even had a hard time finding money for their transpo and meals. I was just blessed that financially I can still support my self (for more weeks or months?)… hmmmm….

Are there such labor laws that protect the unemployed or the job hunters, or will there be laws that a good lawmaker can think of to look at the welfare of the unemployed?… Things like…. employers shall should shoulder some of the pre-employment expenses (medical exams, etc.)?

I’m not bringing this out because I am bitter that I am not hired in NIDEC…. I am even thankful now, but helpless and restless…. This experience is just a tip of an iceberg, of a deeper and larger reality of our citizen’s pains, especially that of the labor force and that of the unemployed…. This is just too small, compared to those that made a lot of people march in the streets, especially on the annual Labor Day Celebration. This is too little compared to the experiences of others, but enough to lower a person’s morale and flicker hopes of a brighter tomorrow of every Filipino…

I dream of a Filipino Nation with pride in every Filipino heart, not begging for multi-nationals to come and invest in our land, but granting their requests to invest here with us. There’s a big difference on that….. and I hope to witness that change when I am still alive….

VALUE JUSTICE THE SAME WAY AS YOU VALUE LIFE…

Nothing is Constant…

Beijing_day_1_346_1 Nothing is constant in life, but change.  No things are so real that come with it, but pains and joys.  Nothing can drive us all to go on living amidst these, but LOVE… because life is all about LOVING…

Heart Warming

I just like to share my joys of being a "Tita".  These heart warming testimonials are not for me to be proud of myself, but to be grateful for this wonderful treasure that God has bestowed in my life.  To wherever His voice leads me, these sweet voices of my nieces and nephews are with me to continue rejoicing in life through love amidst all…  For you, my beloved ones, I’m just here as always.  My arms (boxer arms na, hahaha!) are wide open to carry and console you when you need your Tita.  You are always loved, no matter what happens along the way…

Bebeth_02_2 Bethany | 23/1/2006 Someday too… I’ll be like her.. Married to God (Angayan ko?) heheh.. Well I havent heard the "calling" yet.. But hopefully He will call me… Let His will be done!! =)
Nwe, how’s my pretty oinky tita? (like me) She used to carry me over to the sink whenever I had to wash my hands.. I was 4 yrs old that time.. hehehe Now, dli nko niya ma carry.. =)
Whenever we go out, she always treat us to ice castle.. we Got lots of memriz there… the "Balack forest" and the "banana Esplet".. hehe remember??
Tita makes us laugh all the time… She is beautiful inside-out.. I wanna be like her someday.. maka speak na ug chinese.. hehe..
I miss her…

Giging_04_2 Lovella | 23/1/2006 This is my very gorgeous tita… who’s my inspiration in driving towards what is more essential in life… yepz… when i grow up im going to be like her… gorgeous…hehehehe…and happy… ^_^

lovlots,
gingging

Jhan01 Jhan | 3/2/2006 Dear Tita Swet….
Kung sa camera-shot dili ta maigo,
sa satellite-shot pwd pa. ;) Nonetheless,
Dako kaau akong pasalamat nga na "tita" tika. Aside sa "beauty and brains" ka, kusog pajud mang.hatag sa ako’g dollar. (DIi na suhol: That’s coming from my heart! ) hehe! =)
Tnx kaau au tita 4 everything! Ur d Best! Rock on! Teker Always!
We Miss you! ;)

The Treasures in Real Joys

Tres_marias_2 As I look back to the years that have been, my heart is filled with gratitude and contentment for those places and moments I value most in my life… not because of the great events nor the unforgettable places, but of those moments when I laughed and smiled with sincerity in my whole being and with other people (friends, family, acquaintances and even with strangers).  I realized that within me are the treasures I have gathered in my life… these are the treasures of real joys.

Real joys are not bounded by circumstances; they are not to be found somewhere or from someone.

Achievements, pleasures, wealth, and even the world are not sources of real joys.

Real joy can only be found "within" our hearts.  No matter how much we have or how far we been, or whoever we got in our lives, if joy is not founded in self acceptance and appreciation, things and events will make it difficult for us to experience real joy.  Self acceptance and appreciation can only be achieved when we realized our real worth in our Creator’s eyes…

No matter what we have become and what we have been through, or how much we have been hurt, or how much rejections we have received… our real worth as persons is not lessened… And that is something to be joyful for!

A Place Called Home…

Dsc02182_2 HOME is where I can be myself… a place where I breathe acceptance to all of me and outside of me. I have been to places - geographically, to the ‘worlds’ of other persons, and to places within my own being. I realized that to wherever I go, a home is always I find. It is always a journey towards that home, and at times the road may be rough and at times I feel so much tiredness… but at a point, I have also found a home even in those moments when I fear and at times hate to be in. Moments of aloneness, at times emptiness and at times dryness have been newly found homes for me. To WhErEvEr I am, there is always a home for me, and I guess it is because of one ultimate reason that I’ve known and discover - God is EvErYwHeRe! There is no other Being and Presence that always accepts and more than anything else, LOVES ME for what I am. Having Him in my heart is just like bringing my home with me to every place in my LIFE

Something I Feel…

Chinese_ny_pose_naglambing_1Sometimes thoughts and feelings of aloneness fill me. My professional life squeezes off my capacity to be present in my real world… I may not be the only person who feels this, but I just thought of pouring out what I feel at this moment. I missed a lot of things these days. I am starting to miss a lot of persons in my life, even those I’m not really close to. And I found myself searching for old friends and even acquaintances in Friendster Search Tools… hmmm… I seem to be so desperate to relate to persons who somehow have known me. Often times, we tend to be extremely impersonal in relating to one another in the work place, and to think, most of our day is spent there. Maybe I am just exhausted to being trapped in a culture of isolation (I just call it that way). There are systems and even work places that hinder (sometimes disallow) everyone from interacting with others with naturality; that we tend to be functioning like computers (just doing what is commanded to us, etc), and sometimes forget how to really live. I don’t know how to end this post, because in the first place I was not even sure of how I should have started this. Most of the time these weeks I am alone after work in our apartment here in China. Most of the time I am delighted to such space to be with myself (prayer, rest, eat), but I have realized my need to have somebody to talk to about just anything, like this…

Prayer of Gratefulness

Poveda3 With all my heart I give You thanks for the renewed blessings You gave me, by granting me one more day of life… (Saint Pedro Poveda)